Chakra energy, Courage, Healing, Journeys, New Paths, Pain, Truth

Before You

I was triumphant then, flying

carried aloft newfound freedom.

I was abundant then, flowing

ripeness gushing open heart.

I was fearless then, unknowing

ignorant of pain, doubt.

I was bold and brash then, leaping

into brave new opportunities.

I am old and hurting now, limping

pains shooting in aching joints.

I am morose and moody now, knowing

you didn’t want me, not even at my peak.

I am fierce and fed up now, unwilling

to forget or stay silent or shrink.

And I will be me again, returning

to what was me before finding you.

A phoenix reborn.

A goddess healed.

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Chakra energy, Childhood, Family, Friends, Gratitude, Healing, Home, Journeys, Love, Marriage, Miracles, People, Questions, Truth

Found

Found family

Found homes, found loves, found past lives

Isn’t that the point?

Chakra energy, Courage, Empathy, Friends, Gratitude, Healing, Journeys, Love, Marriage, New Paths, People, Truth

Monastery

Before you, he said
with a wry grin and wide
honest but still playful eyes
I was in a monastery.
I was a monk, cloistered
from the world, and
no woman captured my heart
or stole my smile
or lay grinning, naked with me
or held me, before you.
I was in a monastery, he joked.
And of course, so was I.
But the pictures and the scars
from our imagined other lives
we lived, before meeting,
tell a different story.
The people we still love and
the baggage we still carry is
sometimes, too honest.
Let’s keep it simple.
Let’s keep it sweet.
Before you, it was a monastery
because before you, I was caged
and you have set my heart free.

Empathy, Heartbreak, Journeys, Pain, People, Truth

Miserable

I’d be happier
for you
if you weren’t
so miserable
if the announcement
of your supposed joy
wasn’t heralded
by regressing
back, desperately
trying to remember
who you are
who you were
as you drown
sucked into
her world.
I hope you’re happy.
But I feel,
in crushing waves,
your misery.

Chakra energy, Courage, Empathy, New Paths, Pain, People

Feed

Leave me alone!
A scream echoing
into the void
between me and you.
I hurl it
like a fireball to
drive you away
cast you out
of my spirit, to
buttress my crumbling
iron candlelit defenses.
I can’t help you
this way
not with you sucking
my energy out of me
a vampire crouching
in the shadows
of the east pulling
my strength to you.
If you need a friend
come find me.
If you want to feed
find some other prey
and just leave
me alone.

Heartbreak, Love, Pain, People, Questions, Regret

Fever

Awakening, feverish,
memories of you
hovering over me
effortlessly exposed
and you grinned and said
I woke up today dreaming
about you, about that moment
and fevered and shaking
you haunted my hands
as I lost myself in you.
So I reached
up for you and
pulled you close
never thinking
that would be
the last time I could.
Fevered aching today
again
and wondering
do you ever still
dream, and wake sweating
lost in memories
of me?

Heartbreak, Love, Pain, Regret

Drunk Dial

I’ll just
turn off the computer
before I do
something
really stupid, like
e-mail you again, when
I know, I really do know
that you
have no interest
in me
anymore or
need for me or
spark that
lights up when
you see anything
from me and
you haven’t even read
the last ones
but just
sent them into
firewall misery
burst into
ether digital flames
so why do I want
so, so badly,
just to tell you
that I miss you and
I think about you
every time I see that
stupid courtyard, every day,
and I check
to see whether
you still
list yourself
as single, but
what does that
matter anyways
you can’t
even look at me
not even digitally, anymore,
and
I’m just
a fading memory
of a silly time when
you lost your head
for just a bit, and
did things
you don’t ever
want to do again,
at least
not with
or because of
me.
Thank God
I deleted your number
and can’t
be so stupid
as to actually call.