How to Push Away

It’s hard to push someone away,
unless they want to go.
The ones who love will fight to stay.
I guess that’s how you know.
Will they still love when you are wrong?
When you need extra care?
Or will they run, too weak to help,
too frightened and too scared?
The tears, the yells, and the attacks
are hard for one to take.
To hold back, and not react
shows true strength, never fake.
You’ll always know I love you true.
I’ll never flee away from you.

Crying

The glass door swung
shut behind me
I could hear it, so final,
and I wanted to, but I didn’t,
look back at you
because by then, tears spilled down
my face twisted, crying, and
I didn’t want that to be
your last view of me.
I wanted you to remember
my kiss on your lips and
our soft smiles,
as we said
goodbye,
as we said
see you soon,
again.

Understanding

Your understanding washes over me
in warm waves, comforting and uplifting
my soul. How do you do it? For you see
exactly what I need, and your lilting
voice wraps around my worries and my fears
to lull me into drowsy contentment.
No need to cast anchor, to fret over tears,
I can float in your kindness, for it’s meant
the world to me, to know you that you love
no matter what act I do, or my path.
You, steadfast ever, whilst I float above
your warmth filling me, floating in this bath.
You are my godsend, my treasure, my gem.
I found you at last, amidst all of them.

Shook

She shook in her chair,
trembling with sadness, trying
to hold in tears but not
being able to stop them
falling down her cheeks.
And then she looked at me
helpless
not knowing why she
cried, because
just a moment before
she had been so happy
finding a new home
a new service
a new leader and felt
contented, for a moment.
Until the tears came.

I knew why. I felt
the same thing, just
a month or so earlier
the first time
I had come here
like the first good date
after horrible divorce
too good, it brings tears
wringing out the pain
from the loss that hits
harder after finding
something good again.
I knew that feeling, so
I could comfort her.
Help her understand
I knew she missed
the home we had just
left, because
of your letter.

Because if we had fought
as she wanted me too
as she angrily screamed at me
and then sobbed and then
pleaded to let her
go and fix it, to talk
to you on her own, because
you loved her, didn’t you?
Because you had taught
her songs to sing? If we
had fought to stay,
at best, you
would have hated me more.

So we left.
And she shook, adult
emotions rocking
her child body. And
I held her, and helped her
and when we could,
led her back home
to where we began.

Tour

I’ve had these words
ringing in my head
for four days now, because
I knew that morning
I knew what you were feeling
trapped and overwhelmed
but I didn’t know what to do
except cry, and I warned you
I did
that I was taking
a huge risk
letting you in
because I would feel it
the negative emotions
and I always hope I’m wrong
and I so rarely am
so I knew, already,
the day before
what was coming
and Spider Robinson’s words
haunted me then
still wring tears from me now.
If you’re bad, he wrote,
you go to Hell, but
if you’re really evil
they give you a tour
of Heaven first.
Thank you for the tour.
At least now I know
what it looks like
up there.
But now they tell me
I have to find
someone else
who wants to
who’s able to
take the trip
with me?
I think I’ll just
dream of heaven
for awhile
and keep my feet
on the ground.