Didn’t Know

I didn’t know you could sing,
he said, for
at least the fifth time
in my lifetime.
I didn’t know you could sing,
while he brags about the others
and their voices, those others
who aren’t even his.
I didn’t know you could sing,
because he never hears me singing
I can’t sing there, in that silence,
until I must, have to raise my voice.
I didn’t know you could sing,
he says to me every time.
But last time, should have been
the last time. Still, I fear hearing
I didn’t know you could sing,
the past erased, once again.

No Need

No need to scream out to the stars.

No need to hide away.

No need to wonder if you’ll see

these words I write today.

No need to cross my heart and hope

that you will hold me dear.

No need to purge pain from the past

or wallow in my fear.

For you have brought a peace and calm

to light my future bright.

I know you’ll be my steadfast friend,

my comfort, and my knight.

No need to fear you leaving me.

Your brilliant love is all I see.

Knight

I thought
I didn’t need a knight
to ride up and
brandishing his sword
save me from
my dragons, my demons
and pull me
up onto his shining horse
as we ride
together, sunset ahead.

But when
you rose up, and stood
patiently, waiting
for my fears to subside and
my journeys to end
and just offered, gently, to
help and support
and lovingly walk with me,
on this road
into the sunset, due west,

I found my knight, at last.

Fear (Reprise)

Why is it so scary
for me to care?
To know
that what another person does
or says or feels
can wash through me
and crash cresting
waves of pain or joy?
Fear paralyzes, freezes time
in the most painful moment,
trapped stuck in cloudy
luminescent moonstone.
I have to
choose not
to fear him.
Or I will be stuck
frozen, now –
I have to change
and move forward.
Why not
today?

Obsession

It’s deadening,
the constant checking,
mind-numbing to believe
that something
must be happening
something you’re missing
so you have to look
to check one more time
just in case, because
what if the world
is passing you by?
Just breathe
and let go
of that fear that drives
obsession, possession.
Breathe, and
let go of me.

Alone

A random post from the past that’s perfect for today.

Cytherean Dreams

The great irony
of my life
is my fear of
being alone, that
I will never have
a true partner
will never be able
to be honest and
have someone else
share my life.
And yet
I work, every day
every hour
every time my head swims
at being alone,
so I can hear
myself
and know my
own thoughts
my feelings
while the echoes of him
pierce my heart
cloud my head.
I laughed when I saw it.
To be alone now
I have to work at it.
And I have no fear
because I’ve found
and I will never be
was never at all
alone.

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