Shana, No Y

When I feel lost, spiraling down
spinning madly like a camera
dropped from a 10,000 foot precipice
I can hold on to this –

I am Shana, no Y.

Know why? It’s the name
my mother whispered in my ear
a cooing sound to tell me
I’m more beautiful to her
than the starlight streaming
into our beds, that first night
of life, in her arms.

I am Shana, no Y.

Shana, or Sarai, or Sarah, after
the first mother of the Jewish people.
I am a mother, first, even if
later than most. Protecting
my young, my people,
matriarch of my world.

I am Shana, no Y.

I am what I am,
In God’s image, female spirit
embodied in the most female of forms
exaggerated breasts and hips and
round backside arching, aching
you embrace me because you, male,
can’t resist melding into me.

I am Shana, no Y.

And still evolving, perfect in
every misshapen moment
every seeming stumble
every award and ascent.
Who am I? No other answer
but this –

I am Shana, no Y.

Broken

Cytherean Dreams

Do you feel broken?
Are you lying somewhere
empty, drained out
of hope and love
worried for your future
and thinking, as
your heart sinks
that you’ll never see
your dreams
in front of you
never know
the sweetness
of living a pure
and profound life?
Are you broken, beloved?
Can you find
the peace within yourself
be calm and listen
and put yourself together
again?

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Let Me Go

I know. You thought
I’d stay here forever
pining and patiently
waiting for when
you decided
wild oats sown
you’d come here
again
and this time
have the courage
to ring the doorbell
call out, I
am here for you
at last! But
I have to leave
I’ve moved on
still connected but
I can’t waste
my life
my time
my energies
when my work
the reason for
the signs and portents
is over, complete.
Time for me
to have a new story
a new reason
and I know you
love me. Real love
means
letting me go.

Conversation

All I really want
all I’ve ever wanted
as I’ve said
from the start
is a conversation
a dinner
or coffee
just you and me
to finally see
look
into each other’s eyes
and find out
the truth
of why this is
what it is
apologize
for the pain
on both sides
tell stories
about the new joys
found in this year
apart
and just see
where we go
if we go
anywhere
in this lifetime
but at least
moving forward,
healed
whole
understood
loved.

Another Never

Never keeps
coming true
becoming truth
story unfolding
as the journey
continues, mobius
returning, never
ending solitude
and I always thought
I’d go there with you.
We’d return
together
after merging
our energies, pledging
ourselves to each other
to our people
we’d go home then
feel the grand design
click into place
with our return.
Not this time.
I travel alone, returning
with you
in spirit only,
our ceremonies
years past
haunt my steps
as you
see
through my eyes.