I don’t blame you

You’ve deserted me at last

empty bars on the counter screen

empty echoes of broken ley lines

that used to flow, vibrant and thrumming.

I can’t feel them anymore.

I can barely remember

why I ever cared.

So I don’t blame you for

moving on, leaving no trace

of who you once were,

my devoted one. I’m 

just so boring now, and there’s

nothing more to see

here.

Clouded

Foggy, hazy, clouded mind, I’m yelling
I hear myself screaming, growling
at who? The nameless forces
blocking what I know
must be done. Says who?
Why must it, again?
What’s so important
about any of the trappings of time
the trivial travails of the everyday
that I turn on them, fierce and
fearful? To be feared?
The clouds part and clarity and sanity return and I know being loved is
so much sweeter than feared.
So why do I start swinging
angry and arrogant
when the foggy cloudiness of insanity descends?

Balance Sheet

As 5775 approaches, my thoughts from the new year two years ago.

Cytherean Dreams

One side, my
positives, my strengths
and beauty
that I bring to
this world,
in this life.
The other, my
weaknesses, my sins
the cruelty
I inflict upon others
when I ignore
their cries and pleadings.
Who is me?
Both, or all, or
the parts I love
but hate myself
as I lose control
and let the terrors
run wild?
It’s not mine
to answer,
but instead
to question
and strive
to tip the balance
to the light.

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Night Two

Half of me
want you to stumble
in whatever condition
through the door
just so I know
you’re alive.

Half of me
wants to never see
you again in that state
and hopes you stay
far away because
you’re dead

Inside, I mean.
Your spirit has already
died, and all I can do now
is pray for a miracle
for a phoenix
for rebirth.