What’s Inside Me

I love you.
I am
completely in love
with you.
Even knowing that I know
so very little
about you, and
have spent
so little time with you,
I just love you.
Even knowing that
quite literally, you can’t
stand the sight
of me, I love you.
I have since the moment I met you.
You are
in such a different category
than anyone
I’ve ever met
that it amazes me
this category even exists.
Meeting you
was a lightning bolt,
you glowed
with this golden light, and
it was like
arrows were pointing at you
saying THIS one
is really important.
I’ve never
had a reaction
like that
to meeting anyone, ever.

It’s true that
this year
pushed me into growing up,
finding myself
out there in the world,
So I’ve found myself
and all I want
is you, with me, still.
And it hasn’t faded
over time, but gotten stronger
through all of this.
I’ve seen you
at your best and your worst,
and I’m still
completely twitterpatted.

And I feel
completely crazy
to love you so much, and
yet so happy
that I love you so much, and
so sad because I miss you,
all at the same time.
And how can I forget you
when, even in the real world
and not just
inside my head,
the universe has set it up
so that you’ll be parked
across the street
from my house
every once in a while,
popping up whether
I want you to or not?
God has a sense of humor,
no question.

This is
how I really feel. And
it’s a lot, way too much,
too much emotion, and
about as subtle as a firehose.
It just makes me cringe
that this is what I need to do.
And oh my God,
is it way too much.
And embarrassing.
And depressing
that you
inspire me like this, and
this is how I have to
work it out, because
I have no other way to do it.

It’s either this or
hours of crying,
knowing that I’m
doing the wrong thing
by hiding away.
No more hiding.
This is how I feel.
I barely know you and
honestly,
you barely know me, but
I love you, regardless.
And I’m
just going to have to deal
with that, knowing
that your last statement
to me was
“stay away from me forever.”
So I’m going with that,
and staying away, but
I just need to show you
what’s inside me, and
be completely honest,
just once.

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2 thoughts on “What’s Inside Me

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