My friend and shaman
once said to me
that “never” is the signpost,
the gateway to finding out
exactly what it is that you
most fear, and most need to do.
My nevers, fallen by the wayside.
I said I’d never marry young
and never before travelling the world.
I said I’d never lose myself
become an appendage of someone else’s life.
I said I’d never be dependent
too scared to leave and stand on my own.
I said I’d never get divorced
never be my parents, never leave or be left.
I said I’d never be the other woman
never put myself in that weak, dark place.
I said I’d never be single for years
that I’d never be lonely, or travel alone.
I said I’d never fall in love with a man of my own faith
that I just didn’t resonate with them.
I said I’d never be religious
and spend hours a week in prayer.
I said I’d never show up at his door
never push to go where I’m not wanted.
I said I’d never stop reading his words
never give up that last bit of one-sided conversation.
I said I’d never talk about this openly
never tell anyone my story of love and pain.
I said I’d never show anyone my poetry
never let my emotions show to the world.
a bridge to becoming
I’m scared to
I need to be
and having lived
through my short-sightedness
my blindness to my path
the light shines brightly
in my eyes now
on the open road ahead.