Uncertainty

I awake this morning not knowing

where you are or

if you’ll return, whole and healed,

come back to me with 

newfound strength and confidence

or never return again just

letting me leave, without you, and

in my uncertainty, I remember

my own words, read aloud 

one year ago today,

our prophet, your brother, spoke

proclaimed for all to hear –

I have Faith in our love and 

I have Faith in you and

that is all the certainty I need.

Categories: Courage, Empathy, Family, Healing, Hope, Journeys, Love, Marriage, Miracles, New Paths, Pain, People, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heart burns

Burning heart, threatening

To break out of my chest

To burst and send me spiraling

Into death. But

What would they do

Without me? So

I feel a heart attack coming on

But I don’t have time for that

When you’re lost, and

My heart burns for you.

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HappinessĀ 

Happiness with you

Is a prize worth more than gold.

Don’t take it away.

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I love you more

I love you more than

You love your alcohol. Fight

it. Sober up. Live.

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Blessing in Disguise

If you fulfill your promise, live your path, and

earn the right to die at peace,

this will be your reward:

You live to see yourself helpless, weak, frail, and

in that weakness, you can see true love, pouring

out from the children you raised or friends you nurtured

as they stop their lives to travel with you

as far as they can, before

you float across the threshold of death

no longer weighed down by a body

now wasted, dessicated, but no waste pouring out, 

only a shell, a skin that you shed knowing

It was never really you, but just a vessel, carrying your luminous spirit,

a means to fulfill your peaceful end, finally seeing the love you created,

finally fulfilling your place in the skein.

Categories: Courage, Death, Empathy, Journeys, Love, Miracles, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vigil

The opposite of me once said,

Who would want to go into that room

where someone, especially someone I love,

lays dying? Send someone else instead,

someone who cannot feel. The best healers

are those without empathy, those who cannot see

who will not feel 

the pain.

But I rush into those rooms

headlong and headstrong

to sing to the dying songs of love and joy

to put rainbows in their dreams and paradise in their sight

to connect them to the truth

of the universe’s faithful love even

through transition beyond. 

We must be opposites, because I live

where you cannot bear to stand.

Categories: Chakra energy, Courage, Death, Empathy, Family, Healing, Journeys, Miracles, Pain, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

At Your Funeral

I didn’t sing the requiem, but

I spoke instead. Never like that, before.

I never choke on words, but here

My preparation died in my throat, still

I took deep breaths and remembered

You were near, above, watching

And I said all I needed to say. 

All you needed to hear. 

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In the Moment

In this moment, there is
normalcy, domesticity, tranquility
and loving you as you love
watching the pasttime that reminds you
of simpler, easier times
of when your Nana
whose ring I bear
watched with you, cheered with you
and I’m certain, though certainly not
her, that you are happy
in this moment, with me.

Categories: Childhood, Death, Empathy, Family, Fun, Home, Love, Marriage, People, Truth, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Next Year

Next year, I’ll know
how this story ends, whether
I weather this tidal wave
of change and upheaval and
stave off the sludge sent
to drag me under, choking
or will I fall helpless
cast beneath, trapped below.
Next year, this will all
be clear. I hope. Otherwise,
what is hope for?

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Shana, No Y

When I feel lost, spiraling down
spinning madly like a camera
dropped from a 10,000 foot precipice
I can hold on to this –

I am Shana, no Y.

Know why? It’s the name
my mother whispered in my ear
a cooing sound to tell me
I’m more beautiful to her
than the starlight streaming
into our beds, that first night
of life, in her arms.

I am Shana, no Y.

Shana, or Sarai, or Sarah, after
the first mother of the Jewish people.
I am a mother, first, even if
later than most. Protecting
my young, my people,
matriarch of my world.

I am Shana, no Y.

I am what I am,
In God’s image, female spirit
embodied in the most female of forms
exaggerated breasts and hips and
round backside arching, aching
you embrace me because you, male,
can’t resist melding into me.

I am Shana, no Y.

And still evolving, perfect in
every misshapen moment
every seeming stumble
every award and ascent.
Who am I? No other answer
but this –

I am Shana, no Y.

Categories: Chakra energy, Childhood, Empathy, Family, Fun, Gratitude, Healing, Judaism, Love, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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