On the other side
from the other end
the perspective shifts
turns upended and
what was certain
seemed clear and defined
turns blurry from
this new vantage
darkness shifting
in my own heart
to see more clearly
into yours.
Can you
forgive me for
my sins that drowned
your safe harbor, turned
surety into doubt?
Turns out I
loosed the demons
pride and passion
after all.
Perspective
May 19, 2013
Lonely
May 18, 2013
I'm lonely.
There, I said it.
Feels weak and
insecure to
admit such a need
the need to talk
at my level
to have a partner
and friend and lover
all wrapped up
in one person
something I've never had.
Something I still think
you could be, if you
wanted to. But
you don't. And
I'm lonely.
So it's time…
Originally posted in mid-February, right before meeting my gift. It fits now, too, so of course it came up in a "random post" click.
Change
May 17, 2013
You’re what I would change.
If I could go back
and tell myself, don’t push,
just let him be, and
don’t overstep
don’t ask for anything
he wasn’t ready
or willing
or capable
of giving, because
even the asking
too much openness
too much to take.
There could’ve been
so much more good,
so much understanding
it could’ve been
so much better
if only
I had changed.
Am I getting closer?
Learning the lessons
of what works,
who might
be worthwhile
for me to invest in
and leaving the hard work
of retribution
of negative karma
behind me, at last?
Or will this be
another episode in my drama
another one-dinner-wonder
just a little distraction
to keep me sane
but interim, after all?
I think
I need a little sanity
right now.
And I’m getting closer
to seeing, to knowing
that crazy, dizzy in love
might just be too crazy
to live with, after all.
Rain
May 16, 2013
I hope it rains
when I find him.
When my true one
comes to me and
promises me
his life
his soul
his energy
asks me
to join him
on his quest and
pledges his fealty
to mine,
I hope the rain
washes down then
so I can hear him
laugh in surprise
uplifting, exuberant
loving
the irony of life
when he comes
home to me.
Wasn’t that
what you prayed for?
Fervently hoping
that God would
send you a wife
and partner
who could stand
by you, with you
and travel this
lifetime on your path?
Wasn’t that your dream?
So why, then,
do you hate
your gift?
Because I’m older
not someone you
can mold like clay?
Because I’m outspoken
and will tell you…
Good questions.
Missing
May 15, 2013
I’m missing something
some action, some piece
that will fall
into place, snapping
surely and securely
to make my life
steady and grounded
again
with the new whole
more honest and
loving and true
than what I had
before.
I need that peace
that piece
of me.
The spiral continues...I'm where I was, but moved up to a higher level.
I’ve started another blog – http://www.transitionsintime.wordpress.com – for when I want to just talk, and not write poetry. May has already been incredibly difficult, and it looks like this will continue until at least the end of June. So time to start talking about it there, and save the dreaming in poetry for here 
.
My World
May 14, 2013
It's my world now
no trace that
he ever was
or that he
should be here
instead of me.
I see my own
connections
unfamiliar faces
with no memory
or recognition
of our battles.
It's as if
they never were
and now it's just me
here, in my world.
I am so happy that this is true now, more than ever.
